Formulas for Success That Don't Work

When I was a eighteen-years old I was a big fan of Benjamin Franklin.  I scribbled lists of his words of wisdom and aphorisms on pieces of paper and carried them everywhere with me.  Didn't you?  I wanted to be successful.  I wanted admiration, respect and approval.  I was searching for a success formula and Benjamin Franklin seemed to have it. Here were some of my favorites:

• Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
• God helps those that help themselves.
• There are no gains without pains.
• He that waits on fortune is never sure of a dinner.
• Lost time is never found again.
• Plough deep while sluggards sleep, and you will have corn to sell and to keep.
• Keep thy shop, and thy shop will keep thee.
• Industry, perseverance, and frugality make fortune yield.

I was also a big fan of the book of Proverbs.  I memorized entire chapters.  They contained formulas for success and I was all over it.  Here were some of my favorite verses:

• Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.
• A hard-working farmer has plenty to eat, but it is stupid to waste time on useless projects.
• Hard work will give you power; being lazy will make you a slave.
• No matter how much a lazy person wants something, he will never get it. A hard worker will get everything he wants.

I grew up in a fundamentalist home that embraced hard work, legalism and strict adherence to rules.  To enforce compliance, we faced high levels of fear, shame and guilt associated with rule breaking.  It was a formula.  A formula for life, here and in the hereafter.  I embraced it.

For five years during my college years (yes it took me five years - there was traffic), I trained in martial arts.  These arts were appealing to me as they included books and lists of techniques, methodologies and scripts, plus a system of rewards for practicing them.  It was another success formula.  I added these to my collection.  Here are some of the things I learned:

• You can do anything you put your mind to
• If you believe you can do it, you can
• Practice does not make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect
• Mental toughness outweighs physical toughness
• Push through your limits
• Limits are in your mind

Shortly after I graduated from Portland State University, I joined Dale Carnegie and Associates.  This was a company that sold, get this, success formulas!  I felt like Christopher Columbus discovering new continents each time I found another list of success formulas.  My confidence was sky high.  I wondered why everyone wasn't following my exact path to guaranteed success.

Here are a few of the Dale Carnegie principles from his book How to Win Friends and Influence People.  I added these principles to my collection and carried them with me:

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person and eager want (good salesmanship)
4. Become genuinely interested in the other person
5. Smile
6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest most important sound
7. Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
9. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely
10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
11. Show respect for the other person's opinions, never say you are "wrong"
12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

My next career move was to work under the mentorship of a wealthy entrepreneur, real estate mogul and founder of a software start-up.  He had a demonstrable and proven success formula!  He taught me wealth principals from the street.  Ones not taught in schools.  These were the rules of entrepreneurship, the real success formulas.  Here are a few things I learned:

1. The rich do things different than others.  They have different strategies.
2. Don't pay others, when you can do it yourself.
3. Live simply, work hard, invest in property and be an entrepreneur.
4. The rich build businesses and are entrepreneurial.
5. The rich are creative and think outside the box.
6. When you meet obstacles, there are always ways to get around them.
7. Ignore many of the rules, they are meant for others.
8. Get a job to earn investment money.  A job pays bills, but wealth builds a life.
9. Wealth is not earned in classrooms, but on the street.
10. Don't take advice on how to build wealth from a poor man.
11. Use the bank's money to build your business, not your own.
12. Protect your assets.  Avoid all unnecessary taxes.
13. The real secrets to success are not written in books and published by best sellers.
14. Earn your money at home, but spend it elsewhere.  Don't draw attention or show-off.

I carried my world class collection of success formulas with me everywhere.  They were my guarantees.  I was proud, very proud of my collection.  I was obnoxious.  I knew success was inevitable and I was putting in the hours and making sure everyone knew it.  I would look over a room full of people and feel sad for them.  Sad they didn't have my collection and future.

Then I failed, and failed again.  I was shocked.  How was it possible?  What about my formulas, hard work and rule compliance?  Where was God?

It was a dark day filled with shame, that I drove my beloved Jeep Grand Cherokee, the mark of my imminent success, to the bank and parked it there.  I could no longer make the payments.

The problem with formulas is they are only as good as their application. I tried to indiscriminately apply success formulas in wrong ways and in wrong places.  I was foolish and naive.

I had been the top salesperson in a small software company, but I couldn't make the software company successful.  I applied one good formula (good salesmanship), when dozens of good formulas were required to succeed.  I thought I could sell enough products to make the company a success, but I was wrong.

I accepted jobs at companies with bad business models and drunkard bosses.  I thought I could achieve success despite the environment.  I was wrong.

I went to work for a start up software company that had big ambitions, but not the appetite for the required investment and risk.  I thought I could help them succeed purely through hard work, my super powers and long hours. I was wrong.

I said yes to every request, task, job and responsibility to prove myself and gain the approvals of my employers and employees.  I worked my way up the ladder to the position of CEO.  I thought I could do anything and everything myself.  I thought if only I worked hard enough and used my formulas I could conquer the world.  Limitations?  I had none that couldn't be overcome.  I was wrong.

I ended up at the doctor's office, suffering anxiety attacks, in poor health and a nervous wreck.  I had lost 16 lbs in a matter of weeks and hadn't slept in four days.  I had just resigned from my CEO position before I could be fired.

In my arrogance, I had expected and believed I deserved success.  Life owed it to me. God owed it to me.  I had worked hard, collected the formulas and applied them.  I had prayed for success.  I had asked for God's blessing!  I had followed the rules, applied the formulas, worked hard and encouraged God to keep pace with me.

I was deeply humiliated and embarrassed to tell friends and family about our situation.  We made up excuses not to go places where money was required.  I was filled with shame.  I had tried my very best and failed.  My life and work paradigms had collapsed. My personal mental, emotional and physical limitations, previously ignored now became crystal clear. I thought I was invincible, but had proved otherwise.

I remember looking out the window of my study and shaking my head in disbelief.  How could this have happened to me?  I was college educated, mentored, raised in a stable middle class and God fearing family. Yet with all these advantages I had failed.

Decades of War, Lawlessness and Brutal Violence

I remember wondering how a person born without my advantages and formulas could possibly succeed in America.  What if a person was born in a region of the world suffering from: wars, poverty, violence, endemic crime, sickness, institutionalized corruption, lack of education, food, health care, employment opportunities, dysfunctional political and economic environments? What if the person was traumatized from an early age by violence and abuse? How would this person possibly manage the complexities of life, education and career in America, when I, with all my advantages couldn't?

God had new plans.  I was out of a job, but my phone kept ringing and emails started pouring in. Software companies I knew kept calling me and asking for advice and help with projects.  Soon I was busy consulting full time, writing, speaking and running a small online publishing company.  It was not my plan.  After a few months, God blessed our new venture with success beyond our imaginations.  Shawna soon quit her job and joined me full time. Who would have thought or predicted this?

Kiziba Refugee Camp, Rwanda

In 2012 God knocked on our door and brought a refugee community into our lives.  He introduced us to families that had survived decades in war torn Africa. These impoverished families without a country of their own, arrived in Boise, Idaho traumatized, speaking different languages and confused. Some arrived in the middle of the Boise winter, wearing sandals and tropical clothing.  They walked out of the airport into blowing snow.

It is hard to imagine the challenges refugees face when they arrive in America from Africa.  Everything about America is different than their life in a refugee camp.  The language, culture, ethics, food, manners, etiquette, housing, concepts of time, expectations, scheduling non-stop meetings, riding buses and adjusting to the cold. The paper work is immense (all in English).  If you miss one box or line, you can miss out on food, housing, healthcare, language classes, etc.  There are vultures in America too. People that target new refugees and take advantages of them.

Often refugees arrive in America already suffering.  They are too weak physically and traumatized mentally to live the "American dream."  They are sick, exhausted, suffering from injuries, diseases and emotionally exhausted from years of war and violence.  It takes time to recover.  Ambitious energizer bunny volunteers, often have to slow down and learn that healing is required.

God introduced us to these traumatized survivors and said help them.  Assist them with life, school, healthcare, church, culture, transportation and work in America.  Welcome and mentor them. Because of our own experiences, anxieties and failures, we felt compassion for these families. We had empathy for their anxieties, confusion and fears.  We felt compelled to befriend them.

The first refugee family we became friends and mentors to had just become homeless in America. After surviving unspeakable horror and violence, starvation, fear and years of trauma in Africa, they won life's lottery ticket to come to America.  But when we met them they were homeless in America. I was to put it simply, angry.  How could we let this family that had suffered so much in the war zones of Africa come to America and freeze on the streets of Boise, Idaho. They had missed filling out the right paperwork, attending the right meetings and seeing the right experts.  They had fallen through the cracks and were without a home, money or winter clothes.

Settled in Boise, Idaho

It has been two-years now since we met them and many others. Our lives have been so much richer for it. Our family has now grown by dozens and our home is often overflowing with happy African children. This experience has brought us to a whole new level of joy and purpose.  We thank God for His infinite wisdom, grace, wisdom and guidance.

My business successes and failures, and the lessons I have learned are not wasted.  They are an important part of my story.  I learned that none of my success formulas were useful without wisdom and an understanding as to when to apply them and when to ignore them.  My days of dark introspection were followed by enlightenment.  My days of depending on my own skills and formulas have evolved into grateful dependence on God.  I now recognize and understand my talents and my limitations. Recognizing my own limitations freed me.  Freed me from trying to be what I am not, and allowing me to focus my energies on growing the talents that God has provided me and caring for others.